you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
