Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
