took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
