better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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