Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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