My friends, they love my intelligence
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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