i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
