Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
