Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
