i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
