I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
