So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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