You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
