drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
