Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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