Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
