we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
