so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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