my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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