I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
