He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
