i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
