So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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