I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
