You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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