While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
