Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
