I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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