You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
