Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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