Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
