Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
