I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
