How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
