I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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