i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
