I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
