so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
