I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
