I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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