dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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