ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
