i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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