your parents love me but you hate me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize