The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
