saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
