My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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