dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
