I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
