Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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