No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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