I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have aggressive nipples.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
