I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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