dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
