Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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