I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
