You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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