I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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