It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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