Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And then he peed in my hair
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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