If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
