you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
