p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
