Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
