New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
