I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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