I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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