If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
