cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
