i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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